Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
