Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
