Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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