please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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