I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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