No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
