Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
