i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
