it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Define "chronic" masturbator.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
