I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
