if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
