I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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