Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
