I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
