my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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