I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
