I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
