Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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