So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
