Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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