he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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