You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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