My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
As shirtless as possible
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
