$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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