At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
