Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
