yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
