I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
