Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
it's like iHOP with fire
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
