look no pants
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
