At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
