and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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