woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
