fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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