we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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