I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
