Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
