too bad you live with your parents still
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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