he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
