A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
