Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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