I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
