Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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