so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
