everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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