Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
