i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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