How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
