I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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