i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
